Return of the Life-Size Chocolate Christ

January 2, 2008


Contains some very graphic illustrations to prove a point; please keep in mind those aren't meant in disrespect, but merely to compare Christ's true suffering and the silliness of some of us.

Click here for the first chapter on this topic.

I know I already wrote a chapter on that subject, but I will never have said enough about it. Therefore, here I am again.

For those who do not know about that above-mentioned chapter: a Catholic artist exposed a sculpture of His Saviour made out of chocolate, and a group of Christians decided to boycott the gallery that supported the sculpture.

To remain simple, let me sum up the situation. The Christians in question were enraged by the artwork, especially since it was Easter. Now, Easter, celebrating the death and resurrection of Christ, is a holiday in which we hide eggs and eat chocolate bunnies. Eggs and bunnies. Now, where that comes from, I have no idea; how we celebrate Our Saviour with eggs and bunnies, I don't know, I don't see the connection, nor do I see any connection whatsoever. You'd think Christians would get mad at that? No, they get upset about a chocolate Christ. Sorry to say, but a chocolate Christ sounds a lot more in order than bunnies, just my two cents.

I never found out what upset those Christians. Chocolate never was an insulting material, so it can't be that. If the artist had made a life-size Christ out of elephant excrement, then all right, I would have seen a reason to get sort of upset, but chocolate? C'mon.

Could it be that the idea of eating Christ could be found lacking in respect? Hardly, as Christians eat Christ weekly the world over. That is another reason why I thought that a chocolate Christ made a ton more sense than a chocolate bunny on Easter.

So what on earth is wrong with this sculpture? Well, honestly, I don't know. The only thing I see would be that chocolate penis of Christ, but then again, that's hardly a reason, is it. I still remember this Catholic woman complaining that showing her Saviour's penis made of chocolate was shocking since these were days of fasting. Yes, the chocolate Jesus is fully naked, and anatomically perfect, so his penis is showing, but it's nothing very graphic.

But that's not even point, the point is that those Christians are bad ones. Why? It's very simple. There is a commandment in the Old Testament that says you should not bear false witness. That counts about humans, and it counts about God. Basically, you shouldn't lie about someone, human or else.

Now, let's remind ourselves of who Christ was. Christ suffered through humiliation, beatings, scourging, more beatings, and finally crucifixion for nine hours. Despite that, He still loved humans, including those who were torturing Him, and He asked his followers to love one another in that same way. So, that way of loving is a pretty intense one.

While Christ went through Hell in the name of Love, those Christians are unable to put up with a chocolate sculpture. When Jesus was insulted, beaten, scourged, He remained silent, and that impressed people. Those so called Christians - which, I remind you, are supposed to walk in Christ's footsteps - call to boycott a gallery which exposes the work of a Catholic, who didn't even mean any blasphemy or insult towards a religion which he is a part of.

Here's the deal, Christians, even if the artist had made a sculpture of Christ and Mother Mary fist-fucking each other, the whole thing done in penguin turds, you'd still have to let it go. I think I used a similar argument in the other chapter about this issue, but you'll forgive me some salutary redundancy. What is an offensive piece of art compared to what Christ went through? Do you forget that you are supposed to forgive your fellow humans' sins the way Christ forgives yours? That's something like a core principle of Christianity, and you people seem utterly oblivious of it. Shame on you.

Now to the commandment previously mentioned. You bear false witness to God, Christ, and your religion in general when you react so unchristianly. You make it obvious to everyone that you're not at all following in the steps of Christ, and nevertheless claim to be Christians. You perhaps think that calling yourself a Christian is what makes you one, you're wrong. Your acts are what God will judge you by, and so do humans. Humans' judgement don't matter in the same way, as you know, but if you mean to convert people, your only means to do so is to impress them positively. Preaching will never work, and unchristian acts such as this little uproar at a chocolate Christ is extremely counterproductive.

Certainly, God is no idiot, and no impatient and intolerant fool. Therefore, why do you behave as such? And why do you behave as though God was this impatient and intolerant imbecile? You're not only acting in lowly stupid ways – because, through your uproar, you made this chocolate piece of art infinitely more famous than if you had remained silent – but you're also committing at least two sins: blasphemy, in believing your God to be a moron, and false witness, in showing the world what your unchristian beliefs are, which gives them to think that Christianity is stupid and sucks. And indeed, if there is anyone to blame for Christianity's weakening (if there is any), then it would be Christians themselves. You cannot blame people for being disinterested in the religion when all they hear from Christians is ridiculous nonsense like this chocolate Christ business.

I want a Christian uproar against those Christians, who do no good to anyone, least of all themselves. Do I need to quote Paul to you? Do I need to remind you that Love is kind, patient and everything? How is it patient or kind to get all upset about something so silly as a chocolate Christ? It makes all the less sense when we know that the artist is himself a believer, and had no ill intentions towards Christ or Christians. You may think it is obscene to see Christ's chocolate penis representation in a museum, but I think that such behaviour is far more obscene when there are so many other causes to attend to. It is a great shame that those Christians wasted their time on this mass of chocolate when living human beings are homeless in New York. That, my dears, is worse than any artwork attacking Christianity that people will ever make. You could sculpt Christ eating his own excrement, that would still be nothing compared to human suffering, which is infinitely more hurtful to God. You could have a movie in which Jesus sodomises a priest, it would be nothing to me, and it would be nothing to Christ, and it would be nothing to God. Why should we care? I don't give a damn, the people who do this sort of things don't have faith, and that's the only reason why they're able to do this, otherwise they'd feel way too bad to do it. Thus the things they attack are only lies in their eyes, and while these same things are truths for some of us, we can all agree that lies are bad things, so we're not that far away from each other. Just try to keep this in mind next time you see anti-Christian art or text.

But most importantly, don't think Christ or God could ever be offended by such things. I'm merely human, and I'm not offended. Christ was tortured to death, and even that wasn't a big deal to forgive humans for, so I believe He can easily forgive whatever atrocities we commit. Also, realise who really is offended in this case: it's not God, it's you. Now, that is alright, but deal with it in a Christian way. Don't become what you're supposed to despise. Act with love, and in case of true offences, act with forgiveness. Instead of using this chocolate Christ business to cover yourselves with shame and show the world how unspiritual you are, use it to prove that you are true Christians who understand the words of Christ and act accordingly. Don't lose your cool, keep your eyes on Love, and don't go committing sins because you are angry and upset; that wouldn't be good to your own souls, or anyone else's, as because of this bad publicity, a lot of people feel themselves confirmed in their scorn of religion. You're sending yourselves and others to Hell with this sort of attitude.

©Nicolas